Pinky up (unless you’re a feline)! Elbows off the table! Sit up straight! These are all rules for proper etiquette taught to the most elite of femmes and gentlemen. Without them, humans are lowered to mere animals. *Note: Felines are not included in the un-poised animal category.
For those of you who have not attended cotillion, allow me to grace you with the rules of CATillion. Your lesson begins MEOW!
Un: Respondez s’il vous plait! Never show up unannounced or uninvited. When your presence is requested, respond in a timely manner and always bring a gift for the hostess.
Deux: When it comes to proper etiquette, being fashionably late is not in the handbook. Arrive in a timely manner, hostess gift in hand, and Louboutins on toe.
Trois: The most important rule of all is to follow the dress code. No man or woman should be faced with the dreadful fate of being underdressed for a formal fête.
Quatre: While this is not a problem I face, humans should know proper place settings. Start with the shorter fork, which is for your salad. With each new course, work your way in. When done, simply place your utensils side by side at an angle on your plate with the fork facing up and the knife blade facing the center of the plate; This will signal to the waiter that you’re done.
Cinq: Don’t let the cat get your tongue. Engage in a polite dialogue, laugh at jokes, but avoid touchy subjects like politics, religion, money, and the latest tabloid gossip.